i had the privilege to be able to use a toilet installed bidet recently. i walked away with shit water covering both of my ass cheeks. you have to be a dumb fucking moron to believe in this retarded grift. maybe it's useful to have a standalone bidet where you wash your ass with soapy water and your hands, then dry yourself with a towel, but having some toilet-seat-mounted nozzle shooting a jetstream of frigid water in the general vicinity of your asshole sucks dick. you have to maneuver your ass after the stream starts, and you can't dry your ass with toilet paper, because your ass cheeks will be so wet that the paper will dissolve on your ass cheeks. i sat on that stream for over a minute, moving my ass around like shakira to clean all the shit away (yes, i DID get a fat boner, and no, i am NOT ashamed), and when i went in for a wet wipe it came away with shit on it.

toilet-installed bidets are the standing desk of plumbing accessories. do NOT buy one.